It was late last year, when I got tired of war. Of killing. Of podpilots around me being killed. Of the life of a minmatar freedom fighter. I enlisted to help my people, and to be honest some part of me also was looking for recognition. Trying to make a name for myself.
After months of fighting though, I felt empty inside. We took over some systems, killed quite a few Amarr religious zealots, but stillâ€¦ It didnâ€™t seem to make a difference.
It was then that I decided this wasnâ€™t the life for me. I contemplated about going back to my old job, a mammoth freighter trucker. Maybe do some missions for the Republic Fleet every now and then and use my combat skills for at least a somewhat good cause.
It wasnâ€™t an easy decision to make, but late in the fall of last year, thatâ€™s what I did. One day I silently left Dal, my war homebase and picked up my old trusty Mammoth in Rens and never looked back. Or at least thatâ€™s what I thought.
And thatâ€™s when it started, the nightmares. Visions even more horrible than what I ever saw in the war. Not sure how my mind came up with those ! It started with only one a week, but it got worse as time went slowly by.
Till it got to the point where I didnâ€™t dare to go to sleep again. And during the day it was like there was a dark cloud over me. I couldnâ€™t find any joy in whatever I did, and kept thinking of the friends I left behind. Roc Wieler, Angry Fist, Stoogie. What happened to them ? And how were they coping ? The thought that I let my people down, and betrayed my heritage kept popping up in my mind.
Then it struck me:
It wasnâ€™t supposed to happen this way
This was not my purpose as a pod pilot ! I had to get back to Dal and back into the war.
And thatâ€™s what I did. And weird enough from the moment I signed on again, the nightmares were gone. Some sort of inner peace came over me inside the turmoil of the war. I found my destiny again, and hope I will never loose it.
Disclaimer: My first effort at fanfiction for Godlesswandererâ€™s contest, please be gentle :).